Monday, May 11, 2009

Mother's Day ~ My 45th Birthday Too ~ My heart hurt

I was born on Mother's Day 1964 to my Mom, after she had 5 boys. My Dad had walked out on us, when she was 5 months pregnant, so my Mother has always called me her gift. Mother's Day only falls on the 10th about every 7 years or so. And I have had pretty crappy birthdays my entire life. They have always been shafted, because of the holiday. At a certain point in my life, they just started combining my birthday with my Brother's wives and my Mom's, Mother's day picnic that was normally planned for that Sunday. And my name would be put on the same cake. Mother's Day would roll around, and there would be a big cake that would say "Happy Mother's, Debbie, Debbie, Mom & Happy Birthday Tracey." Gee, Thanks.  Then, I had to cancel my 13th Birthday, because I got the chicken pox's right after school, and I had a big slumber party planned.  Then, on my 16th birthday, My Sweet 16 Birthday Party, was cancelled, because my nephew decided to make his entrance into the world. We spent the entire afternoon and evening at Va. Beach General Hospital waiting for my sister-in-law to give birth. And now Shawn and I share this lovely birthday together every year. And we joke about it all the time.


But this year, my kids and I had been through alot, with the divorce, my stalker issues, the boys and their marriage struggles, and the girls. We have had our ups and downs, but I have helped everyone out so much. My door has been a revolving door for my son when he needed a place to stay, when no one else would help him. I feed them all when I can. None of them ever invite me out to eat or to their houses for dinner. I let the girls boyfriends stay here, eat here, and never ask for a cent. I even go without, so that everyone else can be happy. I have helped their friends get cell phones and gotten screwed on the contract, I have had added electric bills, that have caused cut-off notices month after month for us on our current home. I have lost my car due to lack of income, yet allowed jobless boyfriends to sleep at my home for months on end, while I've sat up for hours upon hours with no sleep, with my painful disabilities. While I watch them all walk out the door to go out to eat, and not offer to bring me anything.

And this birthday, I asked a week in advance about having a party at my son's house on Friday, May 9th with a funny theme. It was going to be "My Trailer Park Trash, Redneck Birthday Party." I asked the girls if they wanted to get with me and get a list of my friends to email? Neither of them seemed interested.  I slowly started telling some of my adult friends.  It didn't get rave reviews, so I decided to change it to a "Hang 10/Beach Party."   By tuesday, I took April to work, and asked her one more time before she got out of the car.  I said, "so are you going to plan this party, or am I supposed to plan my own birthday party?"  She said, "well, its not like I know any of your friends or anything Mom."  I said, "that's all I needed to know April, the party is cancelled !"  "I tried to get with you Sunday, and you didn't want anything to do with it, forget it.  Your sister and I gave you two parties last weekend for your birthday!!, Just forget it !!"
And I left crying.  
She and her sister are so wrapped up in boys, that they don't even stop to think about their Mom, and all that I do for them and for their friends.  April spends so much money "buying her boyfriends love and attention, that she couldn't even be bothered to spend a cent on her own mother. That hurt.  She had just spent $175 on a guitar, that he didn't even want.  And had been taking him out to dinner, buying him clothes.  But I asked for one simple thing, a $49 open heart necklace from Kay Jewelers.  That would mean alot to me.  It didn't even register the day we were talking about it.
Her boyfriend broke up with her on Wednesday after he picked her up from work. Wow. That was a shocker.
By Friday, she and her sister, decided they wanted to plan a birthday party for me again, with 5 minutes notice at their brothers house.  Of course, none of my friends could make it, and I didn't have a date.  And I was running around trying to help them, it was total chaos. I was making "Orange Crush" mixed drinks for the first hour at Daniels house, didn't have a minute to breathe, and everyone cleared out fast, by 10:30, and came back to my house.  All the young ones. Boring.  I was miserable.

Saturday, was promising. I had a date for the day. It was with a guy I met Tuesday night after dropping April off at work, when I stopped in the Texas Roadhouse for a drink. His name was Rodney. He had asked me to go to a party at the marina in Hampton at 6 pm, so I invited him over here to my Brother & Sister-in-law's 30th Anniversary Party at 2 pm.  Well, he showed up for the party late, but he made it. We ate, had a drink, and talked a little. It was fun. I introduced him to alot of people. Then it was time to go inside to watch a video montage of the past 30 years. He excused himself to the restroom. We all packed into the game room. We waited for him. And waited, looked around, and waited. I told her to go ahead. I decided to call him. Then I got a text message.  It said, "I'm sorry, I left, I can't do this, it reminds me of my wife & daughter too much"  I thought to myself, oh my god, can my life get any worse?  I text him back and said, "You could have at least said that to my face, how disrespectful, rude & hurtful"  "You embarrassed me in front of my whole family, they are all asking where's my friend?"  He said, "I didn't mean for it to go this far"  I said, "to go this far?????"  I said, "You have been heavily flirting with me on Facebook & by text, so yes you did!"  I said, "You are just a coward, don't ever speak to me again, thanks for ruining my birthday"

So, I went and fixed an Orange Crush, went and cried on Chrissy's shoulder for a little while, and then went out front and watched my kids all playing Corn Hole for a little bit.  Daniel walked me to my car, and said he was going to come over on my birthday and cook dinner for me, Alfredo & Chicken.  I finally went home and went to bed about 9:15.
Sunday morning ~ Mother's Day ~ My Birthday
I got up, got on the computer, heard my girls making plans to go to the beach, like they did yesterday.  Then they slowly tried forcing me into going with them.  I didn't want to go.
Great, force me into doing something I don't want to do on Mother's day.
What happened to breakfast in bed?  Then they asked me if I wanted to go to the Classic Diner for breakfast, because I eat free on my Birthday.  So I said,  "sure why not."
So we got dressed, I met them there. They surprised me with flowers, the same bouquet, Ashley gave me on Friday night, and after we ate, April, pulled a carrot cake out from under the table, and put a candle on it, and started singing, and the entire diner sang "Happy Birthday" to me.  I know I turned red.  It was so funny.
We went back home, and they guilted me into going to the beach to lay out, boring. But I did it.
We went and we were bored. Parking was expensive. April and Kirsten left us as soon as we got there. Autumn was miserable. Then we went to the Monster Truck Races, and my friend Todd, got us all in for free. Then we stood around, bored. Finally I made the decision to go home. Daniel came over to cook, and everyone was too tired to go to the store, so he cook burgers on the grill, and he went home.  He had a hangover. Boring,  Birthday, boring Mother's Day. I even called my son, Jason and Ashley's cell phones, to invite them over, and they wouldn't answer their phones as usual.  So, no phone call from my son on Mother's Day, that hurt.  No cards, No nothing.  Ashley's birthday is Monday, the 11th, we've celebrated the past 2 years together.  I have a great gift for her that I made. I text her a told her. She said, "you didn't have to do that."
What have I done??  

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